One way to guarantee you won’t get published

April 13, 2011

CG Blog

Crossed Genres Magazine is closed to submissions for the month of April. We’ve blogged about it, and there’s a blockquote message in BOLD CAPS just above the submission form, like this:

Despite this, yesterday we received a short story submission. It was sent through the form, which means the author either completely missed the obvious message or ignored it. At any rate, this morning we sent back a short reply:

As it states clearly above the submission form, Crossed Genres Magazine is closed to submissions during the month of April.

And about one hour later, the author sent back this reply:

As my actions state in with far more clarity, I don’t give a fuck.

We were under the impression that when someone sends us a story, they hope to get it published. Clearly in this instance that’s not the case, since this author is obviously trying to guarantee that we’ll never publish them.

*** UPDATE 12:31pm EST ***

We received the following email in response to this post (reprinted with no changes):

Bart,

I looked at your page again to see how i missed such a clearly stated fact, that appears as you put it, “above the submission form”. Maybe the problem is that you don’t know the difference between ABOVE and BELOW.

You should have gotten snotty with whoever placed that notification BELOW the submission form, not me. In case you’re unaware, most website pages are read from the top down. Look at your submissions page, genius. First comes all the info you need, then there’s the submission form, and after you’ve pressed that button and you’re going through the trouble to submit something to a snotty fuck like yourself, the notice you claim sits above everything still waits on the bottom of the last page visited. It’s in the wrong place, dickface…

To be clearly stated, a statement must appear in the right place. A street-sign laying in the bushes might read perfectly well, bit it is not clearly marking any street, is it?

So eat a dick as punishment for that snotty letter. That’s your penance.

About Bart Leib

Co-editor of Crossed Genres magazine

View all posts by Bart Leib

13 Responses to “One way to guarantee you won’t get published”

  1. grand poobah Says:

    Hmmmm. Wasn’t somebody names Howett by any chance, was it?

  2. gaaneden Says:

    Email that author’s name and particulars so I can put them in my “bad apple” folder. That is an author I do not wish to work with.

    Thanks,
    Jenn

  3. Mark Says:

    Well at least he’s being civil about his dispute. Not resorting to unnecessary foul language or personal insults or anything. [/irony]

  4. alexshvartsman Says:

    But what about the submitted story!

    I can only presume that it features stunning prose and bold disregard for such mundane concepts as “up” and “down,” as showcased in the e-mail. Because if it does, the author should clearly be given license to submit in April, cross streets on a red light, and run with scissors.

    Seriously though, thanks for running a quality ‘zine and hope one bad apple doesn’t ruin your day.

    Alex

  5. danielrdavis Says:

    Wow. You know, the notice was the first thing I saw when I came over here a few days ago to see what the current genre was to see if I could write something up. Can’t really see how he missed it.

  6. shupersean Says:

    To the best of my ability, I have attempted to understand the argument presented by this person. I believe he does not understand the difference between a heading and a form. For it is true, the heading of “Submission Form” is ABOVE the notice…however the actual form, no matter which way you click it, is BELOW the notice.

    I think it’s a case of not being able to put DOWN his pride and having his head UP his ass. I’m certain I’ve found more enjoyment from his response than I would from his short story.

  7. Torrain Says:

    I don’t even think it’s a case of not understanding the difference between the heading “Submission Form” and the submission form. I mean, “after you’ve pressed that button” and “bottom of the last page visited”? That’s not even within spitting distance of describing the submissions page.

    Only possible explanation I can think of is that they’ve confused the CG submissions page with another one. Or a level of ignorance and obliviousness which you’d expect to see indicated elsewhere in their behaviour…

    Oh, right.

    (And deepest sympathies for needing to put up with this behaviour. Your efforts are appreciated.)

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